Upon Me in the Evening

It’s a hard season.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s a beautiful time. But it’s a hard season, because of one thing. I can’t sleep. I’ve always been prone to wakefulness (something that comes in quite handy when fixing meals for 150 teenagers at summer camp or praying for a suffering friend), but as of late, my insomnia has taken a turn. And the road I’m now on with it is rocky. Occasional nights of sleeplessness have become weeks, and I am sustained by prayer and music and caffeine day after day. My body craves sleep, yet my soul is troubled and stays on watch. And I’ve tried every trick – warm showers and herbal teas and half-doses of Benadryl or full-doses of Advil PM. But it’s a hard season, and my soul rages against sleep. My long nights are filled with tears and petitions. I hunger for release.
Even in this moment, the Lord speaks. And I am thankful. He provides words when the ink fades on mine. The following is from Charles Spurgeon’s Morning and Evening.

“Now the hand of the Lord was upon me in the evening.” –Ezekiel 33:22

In the way of judgment this may be the case, and, if so, be it mine to consider the reason of such a visitation, and bear the rod and him that hath appointed it. I am not the only one who is chastened in the night season; let me cheerfully submit to the affliction, and carefully endeavour to be profited thereby. But the hand of the Lord may also be felt in another manner, strengthening the soul and lifting the spirit upward towards eternal things. O that I may in this sense feel the Lord dealing with me!

A sense of the divine presence and indwelling bears the soul towards heaven as upon the wings of eagles. At such times we are full to the brim with spiritual joy, and forget the cares and sorrows of earth; the invisible is near, and the visible loses its power over us; servant-body waits at the foot of the hill, and the master-spirit worships upon the summit in the presence of the Lord.

O that a hallowed season of divine communion may be vouchsafed to me this evening! The Lord knows that I need it very greatly. My graces languish, my corruptions rage, my faith is weak, my devotion is cold; all these are reasons why his healing hand should be laid upon me. His hand can cool the heat of my burning brow, and stay the tumult of my palpitating heart. That glorious right hand which moulded the world can new-create my mind; the unwearied hand which bears the earth’s huge pillars up can sustain my spirit; the loving hand which incloses all the saints can cherish me; and the mighty hand which breaketh in pieces the enemy can subdue my sins. Why should I not feel that hand touching me this evening? Come, my soul, address thy God with the potent plea, that Jesus’ hands were pierced for thy redemption, and thou shalt surely feel that same hand upon thee which once touched Daniel and set him upon his knees that he might see visions of God.

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About Ronne Rock

Ronne Rock’s heart finds its strongest beat where beauty and pain collide – because hope always finds us in the shattered places. There’s more than 30 years of marketing and communications experience in her bones, and she finds great joy in sharing leadership wisdom as a regular contributor to Orange Leaders and QARA. But more often than not these days, she's with the vulnerable in difficult places around the world, gathering stories that change stories. Find Ronne's words in "For You, Love" the prayer journal that invites you to respond, and in Everbloom, a collection of stories from the Redbud Writers Guild. She is currently writing, "Building Eden: Principles of a Grace-Filled Leadership that Restores and Redeems." 

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